It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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