she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
