What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
