take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
