Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
