we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
