i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize