Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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