oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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