what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize