did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
