I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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