Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
