a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
