we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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