Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
