Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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