Kiss
Puke
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
