I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
