someone get that fucking seahorse.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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