had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
