It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
