Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
