when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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