She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
