mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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