Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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