Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Come on in and take your pants off
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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