Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize