We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
