You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
