my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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