you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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