So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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