I'm gonna have a badass scar
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
A+ Viking dick
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