$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize
