He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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