I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
