Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
