How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
