It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
