some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
