i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
