Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
