Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
