he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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