Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize