why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
wow bdsm is so cute
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
