it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
