I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up under a house in Key West
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
