Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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