I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My liver just had a heart attack.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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