So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
