i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize