tell your sister to shave her snatch
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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