I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He has the fingertips of a God
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
