This is not my ceiling
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
