You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
