Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
