There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
