My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
