Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
