i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
