ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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