What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
