she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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