Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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