i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
