At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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