We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
