are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
