i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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