i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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