The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
