y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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