hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
