Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
