Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
