Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize