I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
