sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
