Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
