You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
