talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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