I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
