Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize