So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
