you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
