Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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