Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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