I wish I could punch you in the face.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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