im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
