so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
